Friday, July 25, 2014

Ahem, I'm new here..

9.5 years ago I started a blog.  It was a few days after my first baby, my sweet Olivia was born.  I wanted to document her every move, every milestone, every smile and bat of a lash.  Her entire existence had rocked my world and I discovered parts of my soul that had been untouched before I saw her face.  I blogged for many years, posting picture after picture and story after story.  I blogged up until my third child was born.  Behind each happy post was a sad woman, slowly become a shell of the person she had once been.  A year or so after my 3rd child was born, I stopped.  I stopped because life had changed drastically.  MY life had become something that people don't blog about.  Twenty something divorcee.  Court battles.  Sadness and pain.   

As a young woman, I never would have dreamt this would be my life.  I work full time.  I am a full time Mom.  I am on my own, I pay my own way, I live my own life.  I am not perfect, but my kids deserve the Mom that I am now.  Being in my marriage had made me into a person and a Mother that my children were not deserving of.  I lost myself..  I was drowning and no one around could save me.  I had to save myself.  The moment I left that relationship, I never felt so alone.  And I NEVER felt so alive.

And with that, I start a new blog.  I want to document every beautiful thing my children do. I want to write about my past experiences in life.  I want to write about the good and the bad, in hopes that maybe someone can relate.  Maybe my kids will be will be touched and hopefully be reassured by my strength and by my weaknesses. Everyone's got 'em. 

Always behave like a duck.  Keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like hell underwater.